Yesssssssssss. This. Everywhere.
What was best for me I didn’t want. Although I knew logically that protecting myself and choosing happiness was the best option, it was the long term choice of best fit. In the short term, protecting myself was to stay where I was and happiness was with him. But he did not fit me and I did not fit him and maybe we did at one moment, but those moments fade. The strong ones stay and the real effort comes through both parties, not just one and they mirror each other — it’s not a constant blood draw from one heart to another. So I lied to myself until I could lie no longer; that the fear of not having happiness and love condemned me to a fraudulent love and in this, there is no happiness.
My heart hurts.
Falling for people and then having it implode for reasons you can’t pinpoint is entirely frustrating and more or less just really sad. All the phrases about other fish can be said, but I don’t want them — I just wanted the one. That’s all. A simple wish, but it’s a wish, not a given and definitely not something that we are all able to have in life. Who knows, maybe I will be bound to being single. (bleh)
I think the whole point of being with someone is so you can talk to them and let go of everything, and even when you’re at your worst, they still like you, they still want to speak to you and care about you."